Back on the Airship

FFX - 52 hours in

The quest through Mt Gagazet is completed, the final temple, that of ancient Summoner, now Fayth (and Yuna's namesake) Yunalesca. Judging by the 'ancient puzzles' in Yunalesca's temple, she was the patron saint of Tetris.

The temple is the gateway to the ruins of Zanarkand, and beyond, the stomping grounds of Yunalesca herself. Along the way, the pyreflies give us glimpses of the past, and an inkling as to why Seymour was such a fucked up mess. If your Mum paraded around in a wrought iron bikini, and turned your Dad into the incarnation of Sin on Earth, it might leave you slightly mentally fragile too.

Here is that fateful scene re-enacted with ponies

Anyway, it's no big shocker that Yunalesca is actually an evil psychopath too, and after several increasingly ugly mutations, Yuna and the gang give her a good beating. That little squeaky voiced Fayth who pops up all over has a conflab with Yuna and Tidus about what they're going to do now, having killed off their only weapon against Sin. As the latest incarnation of Sin is Jecht, Tidus's Dad, they agree that they'll sing him his favourite hymn to lull him into a false sense of security, then stab him up good and proper.

All they need now is Cid's airship to nip them over to Sin's big ugly mush. Which also provides the opportunity to go back over Spira and tie up all the loose ends, such as that Summoner on Bikanel Island who kept killing me with her Ifrit, the evil ol' wench. I'm coming for you, lady!

Suitably Out of Date News

Haven't played much lately, so instead, I feel inspired to discuss FFXIII. I know, I know, it's not even out yet, which is way off my brief, BUT the particular thing I want to mention has been kicking about on the internet for the best part of a year now, so I think it's a safe subject. And that is the welcome return of SUMMONS!

There's a new face, the incredibly cute (despite the name) Carbuncle, and a couple of old favourites, Ifrit and Shiva. And it's Shiva that really interests me. Ifrit has looked pretty much exactly the same in every game he's appeared in, and Shiva, though undergoing various changes, was always a pretty foxy blue lady. So at what point did
this happen:

How did she go from the flirty dreadlocked goddess of FFX to this bizzarre lovechild of a praying mantis and a Japanese motorcycle? You know who I blame? Michael Bay. Not content with pissing all over one cherished childhood memory, here he is influencing the bastardization of another. Damn you Bay for trying to make robots sexy, damn you to hell.

Final Fantasy X - 14 hours in

Ah, Tidus, the prepubescent Aryan posterboy we've come to expect from the FF franchise and you're no exception with your terrifyingly defined pecs, oddly tailored clothes and gravity-defying hair. After playing for just over a week, the game play counter informs me I have played for fourteen hours. I refuse to believe it. I don't have that much down time during the week, let alone to fritter away on games. I'm a casual gamer, casual, so it can't possibly be fourteen hours.

Anyway, within the first few I was all misty eyed, basking in the glory of Squaresoft's incredible production values which, in the cut scenes at least, still hold up seven years after UK release. Okay, so the motion capture now looks pretty shonky, with Tidus's flailing arms making him seem like he's valiantly battling a stroke every time he tries to emote, but the image of the Blitzball sphere slowly filling with water is a beautiful one that would shame the visual effects of many a current hollywood blockbuster.

Speaking of crap emoting, I had looked back on this game with rose-tinted spectacles, thinking it a shining beacon of decent voice acting in a medium usually mired in. stilted. speech. But I had forgotten about the staggeringly bad Kirk-like inflections employed by Yuna. I IMBD'd the voice artist, Hedy Burress. Oddly enough, she's never been in anything that wasn't shit.

I had also forgotten that FFX was created in a different time, a simpler time before women were employed in the game industry. A time when it was perfectly okay for one character to be little more than a pair of breasts that do magic. Why not go the whole hog with Lulu's victory move and have her squeeze them together and give the nips a quick lick?


Ah, and I also made a mistake that I remember making when I played this originally (I borrowed it from a friend in 2003 - I didn't buy it, it's within the rules!) and hired Ropp for Blitzball even though he's as much use as a sack of spanners would be in a watery environment.
Also got over excited in the battle with Belgamene and thought 'Nah, my Valefor can do her Ifrit no problem' and got filled in. Again.

But I'm old school, I don't go back to the last save and start again. I just think 'I'll remember that next time I replay . . ."

Acknowledgements