Blitzball Wizard

Final Fantasy X - 20 hours in

I feel I owe Ropp an apology. Clearly last time I played I lacked the exceptional Blitzball coaching skills that I have since acquired. Tournament winners, I thank you very much, and with Ropp as one of my top players.

Things turn more serious with Sin attacking the Al-Bhed front-line on the beach. FF once again makes its stand against atomic weapons with a poignant scene of Al-Bhed soldiers shielding their faces as they are disentegrated to dust by Sin's death ray. Just like Weapon in VII, Sin is a metaphor for the horrors we bring upon ourselves through war and eco-damage.

And now to Seymour, another VII throwback, elbowing his way more centrally into the storyline. I don't remember what his deal is, but with the Sephiroth hair-do, creepily soft voice and abs up to his chin, he's got to be the bad guy, right? I don't trust these Guado folks either. Two hundred of them in the village and they've all got the same surname? That's inbreeding if you like. No wonder they've got shovels for hands and multi-coloured hair.

Best. Cosplay. Ever.

Where do I find this stuff?

Final Fantasy X - 14 hours in

Ah, Tidus, the prepubescent Aryan posterboy we've come to expect from the FF franchise and you're no exception with your terrifyingly defined pecs, oddly tailored clothes and gravity-defying hair. After playing for just over a week, the game play counter informs me I have played for fourteen hours. I refuse to believe it. I don't have that much down time during the week, let alone to fritter away on games. I'm a casual gamer, casual, so it can't possibly be fourteen hours.

Anyway, within the first few I was all misty eyed, basking in the glory of Squaresoft's incredible production values which, in the cut scenes at least, still hold up seven years after UK release. Okay, so the motion capture now looks pretty shonky, with Tidus's flailing arms making him seem like he's valiantly battling a stroke every time he tries to emote, but the image of the Blitzball sphere slowly filling with water is a beautiful one that would shame the visual effects of many a current hollywood blockbuster.

Speaking of crap emoting, I had looked back on this game with rose-tinted spectacles, thinking it a shining beacon of decent voice acting in a medium usually mired in. stilted. speech. But I had forgotten about the staggeringly bad Kirk-like inflections employed by Yuna. I IMBD'd the voice artist, Hedy Burress. Oddly enough, she's never been in anything that wasn't shit.

I had also forgotten that FFX was created in a different time, a simpler time before women were employed in the game industry. A time when it was perfectly okay for one character to be little more than a pair of breasts that do magic. Why not go the whole hog with Lulu's victory move and have her squeeze them together and give the nips a quick lick?


Ah, and I also made a mistake that I remember making when I played this originally (I borrowed it from a friend in 2003 - I didn't buy it, it's within the rules!) and hired Ropp for Blitzball even though he's as much use as a sack of spanners would be in a watery environment.
Also got over excited in the battle with Belgamene and thought 'Nah, my Valefor can do her Ifrit no problem' and got filled in. Again.

But I'm old school, I don't go back to the last save and start again. I just think 'I'll remember that next time I replay . . ."

Acknowledgements