It is ONNNNNNNNN!

Spent my hard earned cash on a copy of X2 and here I am ready for another jaunt around Spira. I may have only been away for a few weeks, but two years have passed in FF land.

Yuna is now part of a treasure hunting crew called the Gullwings, alongside old faves Rikku, Buddy and Brother, along with the new addition, Paine, some kind of female, albino Vincent Valentine.

Game play is pretty different, taking a Grand Theft Auto mission-based tack, but there's still enough familiar stuff in here for me to let the new ridiculously skimpy outfits slide.

Two new factions have sprung up in Spira, the Youth League, a group of revolutionaries whose leader is rocking the bionic limbs look, and New Yevon, who are basically Old Yevon, but with more diluted principles. Kind of like the Labour Party. It didn't take many missions before I was required to pledge my allegiance to one side or the other. And, much as I hate those crazy old Yevon botherers, I just couldn't bring myself to ally with someone with a name like a Fascist scout group. So I joined Bevelle and as a result, can no longer show my face in Kilika, home of the Youth League Movement.

And of course, what would any FF be without some new villains. And this time, head of evil operations is Leblanc, a lady with no nipples and two lame sidekicks. Logos has an Alan Rickman complex and Ormi is clearly the Magus Sisters' love child as he has a distinctly beetley look.


I should point out that the GTA analogy applies to gameplay only. There are no carjackings or firebombings here. Early missions included helping some undeniably thick musicians get into a lift and then touting tickets for their up and coming show to the indifferent public.

That's more like it.

Familiar faces abound. First a mission to Besaid where there's the opportunity to catch up with Wakka and Lulu, the least pregnant looking pregnant lady ever. Seriously, where's she hiding the kid? If I was Wakka, I'd be concerned she'd been cheating with her moogle.

Later a rather depressing trip to Gagazet Mountain, where poor old Kimhari (and we all know how I feel about Kimhari) is feeling the pressure of his new position as Tribal Leader.

And of course, the face that kickstarts it all? Well, it's Tidus of course, or someone who looks very like him. And the poor fella looks like he's in deep shit, stumbling around in a nuclear weapons facility. Naturally, Yuna has to get to the bottom of what's going on . . .

Wipe away a tear . . .

Because, after 82hrs, it's all over.

I'd read a load of internet jibberjabber about how incredibly nails Sin/Jecht are to destroy at the end of the game. One forum monkey noted that 'If you struggled to defeat Omega Weapon, you'd NEVER beat Sin!' Well, I did struggle to beat Omega, but after significant training in the Omega dungeon, and picking up the Magus Sisters and Anima, I bested him. (And was rewarded with a sniff of approval from Auron because apparently paying his voice actor to speak for another scene would just push the budget that bit too far)

So, I started getting antsy as I am wont to do and decided to have a crack at Jecht without further ado.

Jecht is a piece of piss. He may have the giantest giant sword ever to appear in FF (and that's saying a lot) but put the Magus Sisters on his ass and he breaks down like wet tissue. I forget sometimes that the majority of internet users and FF forum posters are 15yr olds who miss out on areas of gameplay like the fact that the more you fight with your Aeons the more badass they become.

So, Jecht is dead, Seymour comes back from the dead for about the millionth time, but this time he really dies, and then it's the ultimate showdown - the grandaddy, the puppet master, Yu Yevon! Only, Yu Yevon is lame, because the Aeons lend their power to the party providing unlimited AutoPhoenix, so it's something of a hollow victory. That said, I wept like someone stole my binky when Auron drifted off as Yuna sent him. And as if that wasn't enough, Tidus had to go and disappear as well! AND all the aeons! Goddammit FF! Why can't you just give me a happy ending?!

Anyway, I wanted to make sure that failing to defeat all the dark aeons had no bearing on the ending (it didn't) so I did an internet search, which turned up a hilarious forum argument:

http://www.the-magicbox.com/forums/showthread.php?t=92

So now I have to give myself carpal tunnel syndrome in both wrists playing Guitar Hero World Tour until I can afford X2. Damn you minimum wage, damn you to hell!