Weird Soundalikes in Dragon Age Origins

Last week I started my third replay of Dragon Age: Origins. I started my second too soon after my first and didn't make it through, but this time I've not only forgotten a lot of major plot points, I've also messed up in the exact same ways as last time. History repeating. With the exception of Sten, as I rescued him promptly this time, rather than (unintentionally) leaving him to rot in Lothering. But while I'd forgotten about Alistair being related to the Arl of Redcliffe, and panicked because I thought I'd messed up and left the dog behind, there were some things I remembered and that was the soundalikes. It's quite unsettling, particularly in a fantasy game, to come up against people who sound like other people. I'll try and explain why:

1) King Cailan (Simon Bird)

One of your first major missions (outside of the ones dictated by your chosen species and background) involves heading to Ostergar to become a Grey Warden, one of the brave soldiers tasked with defeating the Dark Spawn threat. It's here you're introduced to King Cailan, leader of Ferelden, the people's great hope for salvation. Only he sounds like Simon Bird. You know, Briefcase out of the Inbetweeners. It's very difficult to accept him as a noble but reckless leader hankering for the glory of battle when you keep expecting him to beg Jay to stop saying clunge.

2) Niall (David Bowie, sort of)

I really hate any kind of dream sequence in anything. I know that artistically-speaking the Scarecrow sequence in Batman was a stunning piece of design, but it just pissed me off. If I wanted to play Scarecrow's Weird Power Fantasies then I would, but I don't want to play that, I want to play Arkham Asylum and enjoy punching thugs as Batman. Same goes for DA:O and the mother-fucking Fade. I have no interest in walking around really slowly as a ghost mouse. While I'm sure Ghost Mouse could be totally awesome, I don't want to be forced into playing it when I'm in the middle of fighting abominations in the Circle Tower. But what the Fade has in it's favour is Niall, an unfortunate Blood Mage who has the voice of not only David Bowie, but Jemaine Clement being Bowie in Flight of the Conchords. You have to hear it to truly appreciate its wonder.

3) Bodahn Feddic (Eric Idle)

Bodahn is a particularly weird one, because he's actually voiced by Murdoch from A-Team, Dwight Schultz, which would probably be more disconcerting than who he actually sounds like, which is Eric Idle. Boring as Bodahn is, I like listening to him talk because it takes me back to the Discworld video games (Idle voiced Rincewind) and a time when story-based point and click adventures were games, no arguments and you didn't get hordes of miserable internet commenters denying their validity as part of the medium because they don't contain gunbros.

4) Zevran (Mandy Patinkin/Antonio Banderas)

 

I saved Zevran till last because, due to the countless hours of recording his poor voice actor had to endure, his voice fluctuates between two (admittedly fairly similar) famous voices. When you first encounter Zevran and he's intent on doing you in, he has an air of Íñigo Montoya about him. Later, once he's joined your cause and softened to the idea of being your manslave (He's my manslave. if he's not yours, you're just failing to capitalise on what's there.) his voice takes on a more sultry, Banderas edge. Either way, whenever I play as Zevran, I imagine him saying "My name is Zevran Arainai, you killed my girlfriend, prepare to die." as he kills his foes.

Origins Schmorigins

While I'm far more Marvel than DC, Batman has always been one of my favourite superheroes. He's miserable and kinda messed up and reacts to the death of his parents by playing weird vigilante dress up. And he's not even really a superhero, he's just rich and smart and angry.

I enjoyed the old campy TV show, and the stylised Tim Burton movies and the gritty Christopher Nolan movies. I even enjoyed Arnie as Mr Freeze and George Clooney having a batsuit with nipples. I've only read a couple of the comics (I generally stick with non-superhero comics like Hellblazer and Preacher. All right, they're kind of superheroes, but not in the traditional sense.) but I liked those too. So it's no real surprise, that while I wasn't desperate to own Arkham Asylum, I got it eventually.

And it blew me away. I loved everything about it. Punching bad guys in the face, or creeping around in the shadows, sniggering as they lose their shit in fear. Scanning for the solution to riddles and finally managing to line up that elusive dot with the familiar question mark. Running into old favourite enemies and getting to know new ones. (I'd never encountered Zsasz before, but thoroughly enjoyed being creeped out by his increasingly deranged voicemail messages.)

So when Arkham City came around and it was billed as bigger and better AND YOU GOT TO PLAY AS CATWOMAN!!! I was mega-excited. I built it up in my mind to be the best thing evar in all the world. So it was kinda obvious I was heading for disappointment. I found the story somewhat below par (although I was impressed by the ending) as it appeared overstuffed with bad guys (within the first couple of hours, it's possible to encounter Penguin, Joker, Harley Quinn, Mr Freeze, Two Face, Black Mask, Hugo Strange and Ra's al Ghul) and the lack of sympathetic characters to speak to left me wondering what I was fighting for. Arkham Asylum managed to convey a sense of putting things to rights, whereas Arkham City felt too far gone for redemption.

However, on a second playthrough, there was more to appreciate. Catwoman's sections really are great, and playing someone more morally ambiguous brings a much-needed change in tone to the relentless bad guy encounters. (I tried to find a bad Catwoman cosplay to illustrate this point, but all Catwoman cosplayers are total badasses. There really were no bad ones. So look at Anne Hathaway instead.)

The sidequests and the stories they tell are actually far more compelling than the main storyline. The softer side of Mr Freeze conveyed in his side mission leaves you feeling like Batman's actually been kind of a shit to that guy all along. The Identity Theft killer is about as dark as Batman gets, and the desire to give Ellis what's coming to him (a desire that is denied) is overwhelming. Following Azrael around the city, at first intensely irritating, gradually becomes more and more intriguing, until his final enigmatic words. It was these stories that left me really wanting more. The Joker's demise had really opened things up, Crane's bits and bobs lying around indicated that the Scarecrow was going to be the next big baddie, and although I was hugely infuriated by some of his segments in Asylum, I also found them to be some of the best in the game. And that's before you even get on to finding out what Azrael was on about and giving Ellis a good kicking for being a weird face-slicing little nutbag.

Lion-o hasn't aged well

But then, it happens. First, the news Rocksteady won't be taking the reins with the third Arkham installment, instead offering advice to WB Montreal as they assume creative control. They don't seem very experienced, having only made a Scooby Doo game and Lego Legends of Chima, which seems to me to be a blatant Thundercats ripoff, but Rocksteady were unknown when they got Arkham Asylum, so it's not a big deal. Okay, okay, I can get over that.

But then it all comes out. Arkham 3 is going to be an Origin story. Another bloody origin story. I'm sick of origin stories. I don't want to see heroes all weak and bumbling and pre-heroic, I want to see them kicking ass and taking names. I'm fed up of the Joker. We get a reprieve from Mark Hamill this time around (I am not a fan of his work) but he'll still be wisecracking and doing that laugh that sounds like he needs to clear his throat and being overly familiar. Oh, Bats again, is it? How do you like Jokes? How's that for a nickname? How about I call you Clowny JJ? Jo Jo the Clownface Boy? Little Joey Jokepants? Don't like that do you? No. So shut up.

There's also the stuff that doesn't make sense. Like how come, when he first started out, Batman's level of crime scene analysis was far more sophisticated than it is now? Did he just get jaded and think; "Yeah, this utilising hologramatic projections of crimes is too much like hard work. I'll just stick with plain ol' detective vision. What's a few people's lives and escaped criminals when compared to the effort of  having to use technology that takes seconds and improves my chances?"

Hopefully Arkham Origins will prove me wrong and be something so amazing I'll overlook that annoying inconsistency and be waiting desperately for part four. As long as it's not another FFXIII, we're good.

Acknowedgementy bit