Wednesday, 3 September 2014

Nothing to see here!

Editing and uploading stuff on here is a pain, so come see my new beautiful blog here:

http://wouldyouliketochangethedifficultysetting.wordpress.com/


Monday, 24 February 2014

Weird Soundalikes in Dragon Age Origins

Last week I started my third replay of Dragon Age: Origins. I started my second too soon after my first and didn't make it through, but this time I've not only forgotten a lot of major plot points, I've also messed up in the exact same ways as last time. History repeating. With the exception of Sten, as I rescued him promptly this time, rather than (unintentionally) leaving him to rot in Lothering. But while I'd forgotten about Alistair being related to the Arl of Redcliffe, and panicked because I thought I'd messed up and left the dog behind, there were some things I remembered and that was the soundalikes. It's quite unsettling, particularly in a fantasy game, to come up against people who sound like other people. I'll try and explain why:

1) King Cailan (Simon Bird)


One of your first major missions (outside of the ones dictated by your chosen species and background) involves heading to Ostergar to become a Grey Warden, one of the brave soldiers tasked with defeating the Dark Spawn threat. It's here you're introduced to King Cailan, leader of Ferelden, the people's great hope for salvation. Only he sounds like Simon Bird. You know, Briefcase out of the Inbetweeners. It's very difficult to accept him as a noble but reckless leader hankering for the glory of battle when you keep expecting him to beg Jay to stop saying clunge.

2) Niall (David Bowie, sort of)



I really hate any kind of dream sequence in anything. I know that artistically-speaking the Scarecrow sequence in Batman was a stunning piece of design, but it just pissed me off. If I wanted to play Scarecrow's Weird Power Fantasies then I would, but I don't want to play that, I want to play Arkham Asylum and enjoy punching thugs as Batman. Same goes for DA:O and the mother-fucking Fade. I have no interest in walking around really slowly as a ghost mouse. While I'm sure Ghost Mouse could be totally awesome, I don't want to be forced into playing it when I'm in the middle of fighting abominations in the Circle Tower. But what the Fade has in it's favour is Niall, an unfortunate Blood Mage who has the voice of not only David Bowie, but Jemaine Clement being Bowie in Flight of the Conchords. You have to hear it to truly appreciate its wonder.

3) Bodahn Feddic (Eric Idle)


Bodahn is a particularly weird one, because he's actually voiced by Murdoch from A-Team, Dwight Schultz, which would probably be more disconcerting than who he actually sounds like, which is Eric Idle. Boring as Bodahn is, I like listening to him talk because it takes me back to the Discworld video games (Idle voiced Rincewind) and a time when story-based point and click adventures were games, no arguments and you didn't get hordes of miserable internet commenters denying their validity as part of the medium because they don't contain gunbros.




4) Zevran (Mandy Patinkin/Antonio Banderas)

 

I saved Zevran till last because, due to the countless hours of recording his poor voice actor had to endure, his voice fluctuates between two (admittedly fairly similar) famous voices. When you first encounter Zevran and he's intent on doing you in, he has an air of Íñigo Montoya about him. Later, once he's joined your cause and softened to the idea of being your manslave (He's my manslave. if he's not yours, you're just failing to capitalise on what's there.) his voice takes on a more sultry, Banderas edge. Either way, whenever I play as Zevran, I imagine him saying "My name is Zevran Arainai, you killed my girlfriend, prepare to die." as he kills his foes.

Monday, 10 February 2014

Aww Shucks Volition, You Shouldn't Have! (Or: How I know Saints Row 4 was made especially for me)

Never get tired of looking at that
There are a few times in my life when I've watched a film or TV show or read a book that felt like it was made especially for me. Labyrinth is a key example of this: A film that contains David Bowie, a female protagonist, and the "if you ever need us, we're always here" ending I wanted in all fantasy films but had never been given up until that point. Spaced is a TV show that may as well have been a documentary of my early twenties, only with more laughs and less nights drinking triple vodkas in unsavoury bars. Bookwise, things like Invisible Monsters and The Knife of Never Letting Go, not so much because of their content (although crazed road trips and talking animals will always pique my interest) but because of the style in which they were written. It felt like Patrick Ness and Chuck Palahniuk were saying to me; "It doesn't have to all be beginning, middle, end, 3rd person narration. You can do some crazy shit if you want to and IT CAN WORK."

And even though I've probably now immersed myself in an almost comparable number of games to films, I had still yet to find that feeling with a game. True there were things that were generally aimed at the type of gamer I am - Mass Effect and Dragon Age appealing to the narrative-loving side of me, LBP and AC covering the unbridled, mindless fun. But so far there was nothing that felt like it was made for me. With the exception of Dragon Age 2, the female characters in all these games somewhat feel like an afterthought, even when they're the player character. Lady Shepherd is dubbed 'FemShep' for goodness sake, indicating that she's really a supporting character, while the male Shephard is the 'true' Shep.

Often in a game where the player character's gender is initially undetermined, it's obvious that there's an expectation you'll play as male. If the character's face is hidden, they'll probably look pretty masculine in their body shape and mannerisms. If other characters react to them, it's likely to be in ways that subtly indicate maleness. But the opening tutorial of SR4 does a great job of keeping the player character's gender totally ambiguous. By the time it came to customise my character, I didn't feel as I often do that I was gender swapping them (Skate 2 even specifically references this if you opt to play as female), I just felt I was giving form to the character I'd already been playing.

Homage within Homage ad infinitum
One of the key aspects of Spaced that succeeds in drawing in its audience is the use of pop culture references. The assumption of a shared background and interest base that its viewers will all appreciate. And this is where Saints Row 4 truly comes into its own. It at once celebrates and gently mocks an enormous number of games, movies, songs and books all of which are dear to my heart in one way or another. This has all basically been a massive preamble to get to those, so, in the style of Spaced's Homage-O-Meter, I'll attempt to cover as many as possible:

1) Mass Effect

"Wanna f- Oh, you do."
SR4 borrows a lot from Mass Effect, largely the mechanics surrounding building your team and performing loyalty missions with and for them in order to unlock their full potential. However, it also points out some of the more ridiculous aspects. Here, attempting to 'romance' your shipmates results in your character cheerfully asking some variation of "Wanna fuck?" and then getting down to business, because isn't that REALLY the end goal of Mass Effect relationships?! In an even more obvious dig at the space epic, you're presented with an option midway through the game where you're told sacrificing yourself will save mankind. Go through with it, however, and the game points out you're a fucking idiot for believing that shit.

2) Infamous (and to a lesser extent The Force Unleashed)

You have lightning hands, Cole, crack a smile
One of the things that irritated me most about Infamous (stupid shitty ending aside) was how absolutely po faced Cole is throughout the acquisition of his powers. True you can play AS IF he takes great glee in blowing shit up and zooming around, but there's nothing in his voice acting to suggest that's the case. SR4's President expresses such obvious joy in experimenting with her powers, and her eagerness to try out new ones matches your own.

3) Metal Gear Solid

 

I've never played a MGS game, because stealth irritates the shit out of me, and Pres's annoyance at having to shoot out light bulbs, crawl through vents and wear cardboard boxes again mapped so well onto my own experiences, I had a huge smile on my face throughout the entire mission



4) The Matrix


You escape the simulation in a Matrix-esque spaceship to the tune of What Is Love by Haddaway. I don't feel the need to explain why this is awesome.

5) Futurama
I've always maintained that beards are evil
As I said, I've never played MGS, so this may be a reference to that, but I like to think it's about the Futurama episode where all the evil alternate characters have beards. Because you run into an evil alternate you who has... yes, a beard. (Another point where they could have made this something different for a female player, but they didn't and the game was stronger and funnier for it)

6) Streets of Rage

The tinny sound, ridiculous dialogue and difficulty of not falling down random holes in the street is perfectly captured in the rescue mission to obtain Jonny Gat.

7) They Live

 

Holy crap, this was so cool, I almost cried. They Live is one of my all time favourite films. There are lots of small references to the film throughout the game, such as the posters telling you to give up and the fact that Keith David is your vice president. But when Keith loses the plot and Roddy fucking Piper turns up to recreate their epic fight before heading into a TV station and helping you take out the transmission? Genius. Sheer genius.

8) Iron Man

Late but perfectly placed in the game you get to go all Tony Stark with a pumping eighties metal track backing you up.

9) Ghostbusters
It's Paul! Hiiiiiiiii Paul!!!
You have to command a huge statue to fight a gigantic drinks can called Paul. If I have to tell you why that's all kinds of amazing, we can't be friends any more.

10) Mortal Kombat

Well, yes. He would.
I'm not a massive fan of fighting games in general, or Mortal Kombat in particular, but Sub Zero's finishing move was a formative part of my adolescence for reasons I don't fully understand. So ending the big fight by tearing Zinyak's spine through his asshole seemed like a fitting conclusion.

11) Opposites Attract 
 
That cat was hot. Not Brave Starr horse hot, but still hot.

This was the first single I ever bought. The idea of a cartoon cat singing with Paula Abdul just completely blew my tiny mind. So when the sing-a-long with Pierce happened I was singing along IRL AND in the game. I don't think I've ever had such a completely immersive, enjoyable experience in a game.

12) Every 'feelgood' 80s film
Boy can move.
Post completion, Zinyak returns (with head and spine in tact) to have a dance off with all the game's major characters. And he does the caterpillar. Bravo, Volition, bravo.

During the credits, there are shades of Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure and Assassin's Creed. I really hope this gives some small indication as to where the series is going...

Picture Credits